"Finding Focus"

Journal Entry 3

By Stephanie Korpal




I’m still kind of regretting this whole 30-day writing challenge (that I challenged myself to). It can be hard to find the focus, let alone the time.


But I realized that regaining control and influence over my focus is one of my objectives for this challenge.


I used to be able to focus with the best of them. (I’m sure I am misremembering some of my focus abilities, but unwilling to concede much more than that 😉). I once studied for 14 hours for an exam….in high school. As a freshman. I was not applying to Harvard, just as some additional reference. I actually loved standardized testing and didn’t struggle with attention there (even on the sections that were NOT my strengths). And I could read in such a zoned-in state (which doesn’t necessarily count for much since most of us can focus without end on things we love) that I wouldn’t hear my name being called.


I was able to maintain (mostly) this focus in college. Of course, writing papers can always be a little challenging to that focus, especially if your really fun friends are sitting right by you, but ultimately, I could always turn it on.


Of late, though, that focus has been so far gone, I would have to take a rocketship into outer space to find it. Barely able to follow-through on anything that isn’t a meeting (seeing and interacting with people always gets me locked in), I’ve become buried in a quagmire of frustration (“just pull it together already!”), stress (“this to-do list cannot get any longer!”), and self-doubt (“if you can’t figure this out, are you going to be able to succeed?”).

It also leads to feeling unproductive; unworthy; and SO TIRED.


For many, this may mean looking into some ADD/ADHD evaluations/testing/or at least conversations with your doctor.

For others, it’s really about assessing your environment and approach to your day (whether you are a parent or not; whether you work from home or not; whether you work or stay at home as a mom).


For me, I’ve locked into this one: hormone imbalance.


I’ve been on a journey of repairing gut and hormone health for all of this year (2022). And it took a dip about a month or two ago, as stress creeped (okay, crashed) back into the scene.

You see, hormones are a REALLY major player in so much of the “feelings” game. And so much of the “all things related to brain activity” game. (I’m no doctor so please don’t wean yourself off of any medication and go directly to hormone repair instead. Remember, I’m just sharing my story.) And, because of other symptoms I am dealing with, plus conversations with my doctor, I know it’s hormones right now.


Hormones can also impact:

-wakefulness

-sleepiness

-anxiety

-depression

-joy/happiness

-etc


But I’m also trying to get myself back into better habits of following through on tasks (I wrote about this a bit the other day). I know that I can build good habits and discipline while I am also repairing and restabilizing my hormone levels.


To that end, this exercise is forcing me to follow through on a whole task—start to finish—every.single.day.


I anticipate I’ll feel the effects elsewhere also: just paying that bill; just making that phone call; just going through that pile of mail.


I’m definitely excited for that end product and am both eager and hopeful that will be on the other side of this.


Cheers to writing improvement, too, eh? 😉


xoxo,

Stephanie

Marble Wellness specializes in Therapy for Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Maternal Mental Health, Stress, Life Transitions, Child Therapy, Teen Counseling and more!

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